After a 2 month hiatus from blogging, I have returned in hopes of starting fresh, to share new ideas, to inspire and motivate as many people as I can. I have spent the past couple of months re-evaluating my life, those in it and the direction I am going. I have learned who my true friends are, gotten closer to certain family members and know those that are going to stand by my side no matter who I am or what I do with my life.
I have no regrets of the past nor do I think I was a bad person or that anyone I hung around was a bad person. My past experiences have built me in to the person I am today and that is a good Friend, Mom, Daughter, Sister, Niece, Granddaughter, Employee, Student, Christian, Girlfriend and just an overall good person. It has taken me a long time to get to this point and to say that I am honestly proud of the person I am becoming. It's always going to be a work in progress.
I used to always be a follower instead of a leader or role model. I would do whatever anyone else wanted me to do just to feel like I fit in somewhere with someone. I've been that way for as long as I can remember. But, when it came down to it, I was only trying to be someone I wasn't. I wasn't being a good role model. It felt as if my life was spiraling out of control and I was making bad decisions. Then God gave me my son and for a while things were better. Then I lost my dad and other life situations happened and knocked me down, so I lost that sense of control again for many years and did whatever I could to mask all the hurt I was feeling. Truth be told that it doesn't matter what you do to hide it, the feeling only goes away temporarily unless you confront it head on.
It took my son recently responding to one picture of me in a way that made me feel just horrible about myself and realize that I had to get my act together. Don't get me wrong, it's not like it was highly inappropriate, but definitely got my attention. Therefore, I have no interest in staying out late, drinking or smoking anymore. I have no interest in going to bars. I have no interest participating in the activities or going to the places I used to go to have a good time. I enjoy staying at home or going to a friend's house for a BBQ. I enjoy the quality time, in the comfort of my own home, or a friend's, playing games or having a good ol' movie night. Call me old, call me boring, but that's what I enjoy. That's the real me.
I still see and talk to the almost all of the friends I have hung out with over the years, but it's not the same unfortunately. I still love each and every single one of them with all of my heart and will always and forever be there for them, but the truth of the matter is that we all have gotten older, have husband/wives/boyfriends/girlfriends, children and are on different paths building families of our own or we live far away from each other.
I used to always get so upset when I lost a friend, and still do because I wear my heart on my sleeve, but I do remember one thing. My dad used to always tell me "Erin, you will be lucky to keep even just one friend from high school. It's not about the quantity of friends, it's the quality of the friendship". Dad.....you were right. I have been fortunate to keep a few good girlfriends from high school that I love dearly and I hope that never changes, so I guess I'm one lucky girl.
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